3 Attractive Traits of Emotional Intelligence – How Self-Awareness, Objectivity, and Growth Make You Truly Attractive—Inside and Out
Over the years, I’ve noticed that the people who draw us in most, who feel safe, inspiring, or easy to be around, tend to share one thing in common: emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence isn’t just a nice-to-have skill for personal growth; it’s crucial for overall success in life. High EQ outranks high IQ in terms of overall individual success. It’s the foundation for good relationships, strong self-esteem, and a life that feels intentional and steady.
As I observe people in my professional and personal life with high EQ, I notice these desirable traits that stand out and are highly attractive. These traits make us want to connect with these people for personal growth and even for advice. Let’s break them down together.
1. Ability to See Things Objectively
Getting caught up in our stories or emotions is easy, especially when things get tense. But people with high emotional intelligence have this calm ability to step back and see things for what they are, even in their own situations. It is difficult to see things or people for what they are or who they are because it’s easier to see them for what we want them to be, but people with high EQ can accept the truth even if it doesn’t work in their favor. They don’t ignore their feelings, but they don’t let those feelings run the show, either.
This kind of objectivity is attractive because it feels safe. It tells the people around you, “I can listen, I can handle hard conversations, and I can offer a logical solution.” In challenging moments, stepping back and asking, “What are the other possibilities here?” can change our actions. Everyone should have a friend or mentor who can see things objectively so they can review their situation with them when they cannot be objective themselves.
If you don’t have such a person, you can also journal and process your thoughts to be objective and minimize overthinking. This process will strengthen your EQ.
Think back to a recent situation or problem you were trying to solve. What might you have seen differently if you had paused and looked at the situation more objectively?
2. Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is my favorite trait of emotional intelligence. It’s about being honest with yourself—knowing your patterns, triggers, and the stories you tell yourself when you’re stressed or hurt. Self-aware people don’t pretend to have it all together; they own their reactions and choices.
This doesn’t have to be complicated. It could be as simple as noticing, “I’m feeling anxious right now,” or “I tend to withdraw when I’m overwhelmed.” Over time, little moments of self-check-in add up. In my case, I have a direct approach and am often blunt; I am learning to communicate according to the person I am dealing with because while I have some people in my life who tell me to tell them my honest and blunt opinion, not everyone reacts well to the direct approach. And I am aware that a blunt approach can be hurtful to some people. Self-awareness is the key to personal growth.
3. Changed Behaviour
Here’s the thing about emotional intelligence: it isn’t just about knowing yourself. It’s about doing something with that knowledge. An apology without changed behaviour is manipulation—I strongly believe in this statement. Changed behaviour is where personal growth really shows up. You may apologize to solve the problem or communicate a need before things boil over, but are you really changing your behavior? People with high EQ do.
This willingness to act on what you learn about yourself is rare, and honestly, it makes people feel trustworthy and inspiring. Think about it, how is trust built? When you do what you say, you will do. People with high EQ address the problem and change their behavior.
If you are ready to dive deeper into emotional intelligence, these two books are truly eye-opening.
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
- Amazon US | Amazon Canada
- This classic explains why emotional intelligence matters even more than IQ and offers practical insights for developing it daily.
Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves
- Amazon US | Amazon Canada
- This book is perfect if you want a super actionable guide. It includes self-assessment and step-by-step strategies for improving your EQ in real-time.
- I recommend starting with whichever feels more aligned with your current needs. Either way, you’ll find stories, tools, and exercises to help you keep growing.
Remember that emotional intelligence isn’t something you “get” all at once. It’s a daily, gentle practice of noticing, learning, and sometimes doing things differently. If you’re already working on seeing things more clearly, being honest with yourself, or making small changes, you’re well on your way.
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